"Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it". ~Confucius
"…honor your father and mother,' and 'love your neighbor as yourself.'" Matthew 19:19
As humans we are social beings. We learn and grow through our relationships with each other as well as everything around us. Life seriously wouldn't be the same if we didn't have each other to help us through.
"Consider the following. We humans are social beings. We come into the world as the result of others' actions. We survive here in dependence on others. Whether we like it or not, there is hardly a moment of our lives when we do not benefit from others' activities. For this reason it is hardly surprising that most of our happiness arises in the context of our relationships with others."- The Dalai Lama
Today is nationally recognized Mother's Day; but not every Mother will be honored, nor will every son or daughter be doing the honoring. Many people no longer have a Mother; others may not even have a good relationship with their Mother.
I met a young teenager recently who was one of the latter. She was only 17 years old, and the only life she knew was this miserable relationship with her Mother. Neither really knew the other, and neither either didn't want to admit that, or didn't want to try to mend things. The daughter's solution was to move out and live on her own—which if you have ever done that at such a young age, well one can only imagine how difficult that must be. But moving out only strained things more—her Mother doesn't seem interested in trying to get her daughter back, and her daughter certainly has no intentions of doing so. As I listened to such a tale from this young woman, my heart kept squeezing with pain. I had no idea what to say to her so I kept quiet. I had never experienced what she was going through—I have been fortunate to have a Mom (and family and friends) who have always been there for me. The way she told her story was in an off-handish way, as though her situation with her Mother was nothing. And this girl isn't the first to express so. I've met many others who also acted like nothing was out of the ordinary in such situations. It seems as though it is a way to block off the pain and emotions because they feel it may be easier than actually feeling what they might inside. Not only do we often fear feeling pain, but we are also often afraid to lose control of ourselves in it…
Relationships for many are no longer intimate, trustworthy, respectful, loving. They are broken, abused, pain-filled, lost… It seems that many of us are no longer looking for fulfillment wherever and however possible; it seems instead that it's 'easier' to just wall off the hurt.
I believe I wouldn't have become the woman I am today without the constant love and support from my family and friends, and I am deeply thankful for them. If I had been the girl above, I probably would have acted much the same way she did. Even though I am fortunate to have love in my life, does not mean I get to ignore the fact that there is still pain in this world. For me, I depend strongly on genuine relationships; and when I lose a relationship with someone, I create the potential to be bitter and frustrated with the rest of the world. I invite the fear that someone else will walk out of my life and leave me standing alone. Which is interesting, because I admit that I am often responsible for relationships changed; but playing the 'blame game' isn't the point. We have to change our attitudes instead, looking at ourselves and those we interact with to determine what we may learn in order to better ourselves and our world. My hurts may be very different compared to the girl's above, so why should I complain at all? (I don't mean to sound selfish either). Well, it's not for justification. For after all, no one deserves to go through pain of any kind, and yet all of us are up against something, whatever it may be.
"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart". ~Kahlil Gibran
Despite what many of us in our bitter states may believe, beauty, can still exist.
What determines a 'beautiful person'? They are people who are loving, genuine, caring, and intimately sincere in who they are and in what they do. They are people who don't just ask how you are, but REALLY WANT to know how you are. They are people who won't settle for a simple answer from you; they are people who want to take the time to get to know the real you, even if, no, especially if, you are discovering that for yourself.
I am thankful for all the beautiful people in my life; the ones who have supported and encouraged me to be where I am today, the ones who have listened to me when I needed to talk to someone, the ones who visit me because they want to, the ones who really care about me and show their love and interest. These are people who don't want to just be a good friend, but actually show it.
There is one such beautiful person in my life who constantly shows her sincerity—and with everyone, not just with me. She is beautiful on the inside and out, and I see in her eyes a depth of love for those she meets that I can't even begin to accurately describe. I don't think she even knows just how beautiful she really is (or at least might ever admit to).
Every relationship should be reciprocated. Most people do things for others not seeking something in return; if you do it from your heart, you don't do it for want of anything. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't be loved in return. We all should love and deserve to be loved, no matter what our backgrounds may be. I hope you know that the most beautiful of us all is God and His love is incredible and never runs dry; and He wants to share that love with all of us…
Many times we forget to share our appreciation for those wonderful people in our lives. So to all of you shining lights out there, know that your hearts are truly appreciated. If you have such people in your life, be sure to tell them how much they mean to you. But they deserve so much more than perhaps we can show by saying a simple thank you. But, it is a step forward.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3-4
My lovely friend mentioned already, brought me a lovely bouquet of flowers not too long ago, just because she had been thinking of me and felt I needed to be shown some love (she brings me flowers to reflect me—and she does this a lot too!). How beautiful is that?? Someone who took time out of her busy life to bring me some love—she saw that I needed something, and she took action. And more importantly, she WANTED to do so; she wasn't looking for anything in return. That, I believe is the difference between a friend and a GENUINE friend. We all can have friends—people we can do stuff with, talk to, etc. But there are typically only a few that we could all say that are truly a great friend—someone who takes things to the next level. Someone who sees needs in others and takes time to address them. Someone who cares about you, and really means it (like bringing you flowers just because). Someone who doesn't just say the words 'I love you', but makes those words come alive. Because anyone can speak; but taking words to the next level means a level of commitment and genuineness that often times few of us are willing to go to. For me personally, I find that while I mean well in a lot of the things I say (like the words in these Daily Breads), I still find myself not fully living the thoughts I pen…
Now, don't get me wrong. While we may see beautiful people as 'angels', or 'perfect beings', we all know even they have issues. But that's why relationships of any kind should be 50/50. It's nice to have someone see you as beautiful; but we should also take the time from our lives to see them in similar lights…"Love consists in desiring to give what is our own to another and feeling his delight as our own." ~Emmanuel Swedenborg
We can't say others should believe a certain way or think a certain way if we don't have it established in our own lives first. For example, I so often find activists that seem very passionate about what they are fighting for. But when intimately questioned about why they believe, you might find them floundering. Often times people seem to only believe things because it's easy, or that's all they have ever known (like many Christians), or have never thought to question otherwise or even realized that there may be other perspectives out there. It's easy to say what the group may feel about it as your own thoughts. But break it down, and I find more of us don't really know WHY we think or feel the way we do as individuals. We often do not take the time to figure out just what that might be to us. This doesn't make us bad or non-caring or even stupid. That doesn't really matter anyway. What should matter is being real, and that means sometimes having to ask the tough questions you all know I am so fond of.
So then, go ahead and ask yourself: do you consider yourself a genuine person? Why? When it comes to your relationships, how do you do? When it comes to your beliefs, who are you and why?
If it's not sincere in your own life, then trying to contribute sincerity to others is very difficult, if downright unfair to them.
So to conclude—it's Mother's Day. A national holiday where Hallmark probably makes a fortune in cards. But look at honoring our Moms outside of that scope. Forget the card for the moment. What is your relationship with her really like? Do you mean what you say when you say 'I love you Mom'?
If you don't have a Mom, or your relationship with her is strained like the young woman's I met is, ask yourself if you are willing to do something to change that. Showing love can often go a long way; it may take time, but it could very well be worth it when the relationship is no longer broken and filled with hurt… Besides, even if you couldn't affect the other, your life may just never be the same…
Dear readers, you ought to know by now how much I advocate for showing genuine love outside of the holiday spirits. Mother's day shouldn't just be for showing Moms appreciation. We ought to be working on our relationships with all those we encounter, every single moment of our lives. We are each important in our own ways; we lean on each other often for support and understanding, for love and trust, to learn and grow. Hey, sound familiar? Yep, God is good to lean on too. =) Even in those dark moments when we don't want to feel, and we believe no one else cares about who we are, there will always be one who does. But whoever loves God is known by God. 1 Corinthians 8:3 He knows you. He wants to explore just who you are with you. Having someone who not only knows you inside and out, but WANTS to love you and be with you, well, that's both cool and scary. It can be hard to trust others, and to allow ourselves to be that vulnerable with them. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up. James 4:10 But love; it is a beautiful thing to behold. My beloved spoke and said to me, "Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me". Song of Solomon 2:10
If you take nothing else away from these daily breads, at least take this; God is not just some invisible being stuck up in the sky. He is someone whom we can have a relationship with too; and we can apply what we experience of strong relationships to ours with Him. His love is powerful; and the best part is, no matter what, His love for each one of us will never EVER leave, fail, stop, break down, or abuse us…
God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5b
Life isn't perfect. Neither am I or even my own Mother whom I love dearly. But that's not the point--even in the midst of darkness we can find beauty; in the midst of our pain and suffering, we can look up, and see Him reaching out His hands to help us stand again.
How beautiful is that?*
But I trust in You, Lord; I say, "You are my God." Psalm 31:14
Once again find this daily bread dedicated to all the Moms out there. May you bless others and in turn be truly blessed.
But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love forever and ever. Psalm 52:8
Let us be Alainn Anam--
Let us be a Beautiful Soul.
Whitney
